Forgiveness is one of the hardest, yet most liberating, acts we can offer—to others and to ourselves. It’s not about excusing wrongs or forgetting pain; it’s about releasing the hold that anger, resentment, or guilt can have on our hearts. Forgiveness is a gift of freedom—freedom to move forward, to heal, and to grow stronger.
The Weight of Unforgiveness
Holding onto resentment is like carrying a heavy weight everywhere you go. My Grandpa John used to say, “You can’t walk forward while dragging the past behind you.” His life was full of lessons in forgiveness, from reconciling old friendships to finding peace with his own regrets.
I’ve experienced this truth in one of the most profound moments of my life—the reconciliation between my father and me.
My father was an alcoholic, and for the first nine years of my life, my family endured his abuse. He hurt my mom, my siblings, and me deeply. After ten years of struggling, my mom found the courage to remove him from our home. The last time I saw him was when I was nine years old.
Decades later, my youngest sister, Mary, found him living in California. She had rebuilt a relationship with him and reached out to me when he was in the hospital undergoing chemotherapy for stomach cancer. I was 52 years old—at a point in my life where I was mentally and emotionally strong—and Mary encouraged me to visit him.
I flew to California for a reunion I hadn’t expected to need. When I saw him, my father, with tears in his eyes, asked me to forgive him for what he had done. It was an incredibly moving experience. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much I needed to hear him say those words.
And then, he said something that left an even deeper mark on me: “Peter, I am so proud of you.”
Hearing those words, after all those years, brought a sense of healing I didn’t know I needed. My father passed away shortly after our reunion, but I will always carry that moment of forgiveness and reconciliation with me.
(A video of my reunion with my father is shared below.)
Forgiveness as Strength
Forgiveness isn’t weakness; it’s courage. It takes strength to let go of the hurt, to move past the pain, and to choose peace over bitterness. In my journey of recovery, I’ve had to learn to forgive myself—for not being as strong as I once was, for needing help, and for the moments when progress felt painfully slow.
The mats have also been a teacher in forgiveness. In Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, mistakes are inevitable. You might lose a position or get caught in a submission, but holding onto frustration only hinders growth. Forgiveness—whether of yourself or your opponent—is what allows you to reset, learn, and move forward.
As “Lessons on Legacy” points out, “Your legacy isn’t built on perfection—it’s built on how you rise after falling.” Forgiveness is a vital part of that process.
How to Let Go
So how do we begin the process of forgiveness?
- Acknowledge the Pain:
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the hurt didn’t happen. Start by recognizing the impact it’s had on you. - Separate the Person from the Act:
Understand that forgiving doesn’t excuse what happened—it frees you from letting it define your future. - Practice Self-Forgiveness:
Be kind to yourself. You can’t truly forgive others if you’re still holding onto your own guilt or regrets. - Embrace the Freedom:
Letting go of resentment creates space for healing, growth, and strength.
Reflections for Today
What are you holding onto that’s keeping you from moving forward?
Whether it’s forgiving someone else, or forgiving yourself, take a moment to reflect on what freedom might look like if you let it go. Forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about reclaiming your future.
Because in letting go, we don’t just lighten our load—we strengthen our ability to live strong.
