Here is a great article written by my self-defense coach and mentor, Bill Kipp
Women in the Martial Arts
The martial Arts world has evolved a great deal over the years, particularly in the past decade or so. The “old school” mentality has been primarily overtaken by the new wave of successful martial arts schools where both children and women are taking a much more involved role. Children now comprise the largest MA student populace and are the bread and butter of most successful martial arts schools.
In addition, the role of women as instructors and as students has also become quite significant. In the old days women had a very rough time dealing with the “good ole’ boy” mentality prevalent in the martial arts community. Some of these women persevered, with huge credit due to them for doing so. Others left those schools to start their own where they wouldn’t have to deal with such unnecessary abuse. And sadly, many of these early female students left due to not finding the very safety that led them to the martial arts in the first place. Over the years many of us men have per force become more sensitive to the unique issues that arise for women. Women not only have every right to be martial arts school owners and instructors, they have proven to be valuable resources as instructors of male owned schools and very adept school owners themselves.
In my travels teaching adrenal stress response training at schools across America and abroad, I have the opportunity to meet many of these inspirational women and to hear first hand what they have and in some cases still must go through in this highly competitive industry. Although most of the good ole boy mentality is gone, there still exist complicated dynamics between the genders in the martial arts world even in best-case scenario.
The following is a situation that personally occurred to me that illustrates the unique challenges that many male school owners and female students face in a traditional Martial Arts environment. The experience taught me a great deal, though it came at a cost. It is my hope that the story can help others prevent such occurrences from happening in your school.
“It started pretty much as a typical Wednesday open sparring night. The standard 8-10 regulars were there as well as a couple of guys from another local school who often showed up to play. Most of the participants were men, but there were a couple of women as well. One woman was Terri, an established Black Belt and the other was Kathy, a Blue Belt who was outwardly pretty tense but showed a lot of heart. I always sensed there was something going on inside her that she was trying to cover up, but felt it wasn’t my place to dig where I didn’t belong. Heck, I was a martial artist, not a therapist, and none of my previous instructors had ever asked how I was “feeling”. You either show up for sparring or you don’t.”
“The group started pairing off and followed the standard rules of agreement on the level of intensity before squaring off with each other. I was absorbed in working with a young guy who was preparing for an upcoming test when I detected a change in the group energy. I turned to see Kathy, the Blue Belt woman, quickly bow off the floor. A quick scan of the room showed she had been paired up with Jim, one of those guys who by nature goes harder than he likes to admit. You know the type. He stood there with shoulders hunched in a confused gesture and voiced that he had accidentally popped Kathy “lightly” and she “just ran off”. Throwing him an irritated “We’ve discussed this problem before” kind of glance, I left the floor to check on Kathy. Terri, the Black Belt woman was already there consoling her. It looked like Kathy might be crying but she refused to show me any tears. Putting up a stiff upper lip she mentioned she was “fine” and that everything was okay. Terri assured me that she had the situation under control so I returned to the floor. After re-administering my standard warning to all about control and following the rules of agreement, sparring continued. A short time later I saw Kathy leaving the school and went over to ask how she was doing. Again she assured me that everything was okay as she walked out the door. Terri returned to sparring and we finished the session without further incident.”
“A couple of weeks went by and I saw no sign of Kathy. When I inquired to Terri about what was up, her reply caught me off guard. Taking me aside, she explained that Kathy was in an abusive relationship and had received several beatings from her alcoholic husband over the years, one of them quite recently. This was the very reason she had originally signed up for the martial arts. My expression conveyed the amazement common among men who simply can’t comprehend why anyone would ever stay in such a relationship. Terri said it was a difficult situation and that we should give Kathy space to determine if and when she wanted to resume class. She also mentioned that being a woman in martial arts was far different than it was for men. At the time I had no real idea of what she meant, nor did I have any plausible solutions.”
“Sadly, Kathy never returned for another class. Even worse, I later learned that she had actually tried to fight off her husband using the techniques I had taught her and that her self-defense attempts had only enraged her drunken husband into beating her worse. Needless to say the incident hit me pretty hard, and I felt pretty helpless about it all.”
This incident occurred approximately eighteen years ago. I had just returned from 2 years of living and studying Martial Arts in Asia after a four-year hitch in a Marine Recon Unit. Teaching the Martial Arts was my joy and helped provide extra income. Like most male martial arts instructors, I was a nice guy who genuinely cared about people and their ability to defend themselves. But I was way out of touch with the issues that can come up when working with women in this male dominated environment. Now, after fifteen years of co-teaching women’s self defense seminars with various female experts on violence against women, and having worked with literally hundreds of abuse survivors, the picture is much clearer.
As I see it, there are 3 very important issues that are not being addressed in most martial arts schools:
- As men, it is very difficult to understand the level of intimidation and fear that many women feel in everyday situations that guys take for granted. This dynamic is definitely alive in the martial arts world. Fortunately a lot of the “good ole boy” attitude has been left behind, though certainly not all of it. But even in progressive schools the environment can still be very challenging for women. Whether female students have any history of abuse or not, activities like sparring or grappling with the nicest of guys can trigger emotional issues. More women students leave the Martial Arts for these reasons than most of us realize.
- Teaching women the standard self-defense moves that were handed down to us by our instructors are often not only insufficient for dealing with the ways that women are attacked, they can actually set up women to be greater victims. This does not mean that the martial arts are wrong or bad, but that traditional MA training lacks components that are critical for women to effectively deal with violent confrontations. If these standard self-defense methods have gotten many a Black Belt man beaten by a good street-fighter (and they have!), imagine how many women martial artists have been hurt over the years in violent altercations.
- The majority of attacks on women are perpetrated by someone that they know. It’s one thing to fight back in a dark alley where it’s is clearly an assault, and another matter completely to fight back against abusive friends, co-workers, boyfriends, or husbands where the boundaries are already vague and the socio-conditioning screams at them to not fight back, don’t make a scene, and just put up with the behavior. Date rape and battered women syndrome are very real problems with very real psychological issues that require solutions far beyond the scope of physical defense techniques.
The Martial Arts are technique-based paradigms. Each student makes a long-term journey to learn and master the various physical techniques required of their respective style. The success of the new evolution of self-defense programs (EZ Defense, FAST, RMCAT, and others) has shown that real life self-defense requires more than just physical techniques.
Awareness and education of the following dynamics of assault and the mistakes people make under duress is crucial for self defense to be effective:
- The socio conditioning that can keep someone from fighting back at all
- The often debilitating effects of the adrenaline fear response
- The mindset and intention of attackers
- The verbal skills to de-escalate or ward off a hostile person
- The proper mindset to act when needed. If a person is unable or unwilling to fight back with absolute commitment, no technique in the world is going to help them.
Simply being aware of these complicated issues goes a long way in being more sensitive to the unique needs of female students and providing a safe environment for them to train. The communication age is about breaking barriers and improving our lives faster and better than ever before. It is time to further break out of the box of the good ole boy Karate Gym and provide the highest quality service we can to all of our students. They deserve nothing less and we all benefit from the effort!
~ Bill Kipp
Dinoto Karate Center’s self-defense for women call 856-235-0414 or email Master Erika Dinoto at dinotokarate@gmail.com
