In a world that constantly tests our patience, pride, and personal sense of self-worth, the ability to remain unembarrassable, unoffendable, and unirritable is a rare and powerful trait. Jim Murphy, in Inner Excellence, explores this concept as part of a mindset that fosters inner peace, peak performance, and a deep sense of self-mastery. These qualities are not about becoming indifferent or emotionally numb; rather, they are about cultivating a level of self-awareness and control that allows us to respond to life—not react to it.
As a martial artist, teacher, and someone who has walked through fire more than once, I see these three qualities as pillars of a Living Strong philosophy. They are not just ideals but practical tools for navigating adversity, relationships, and personal growth. Let’s break them down.
Unembarrassable: Freedom from the Fear of Judgment
Embarrassment is rooted in self-consciousness, in the fear of what others think. It is the discomfort of being exposed, of making a mistake in public, or of not meeting expectations. But here’s the truth: embarrassment only exists if we allow it.
The greatest performers, athletes, and leaders are unembarrassable because they understand that growth comes with failure. In martial arts, if I worried about looking foolish every time I missed a technique, got swept, or struggled with a movement post-surgery, I’d never improve. The key to becoming unembarrassable is acceptance—acceptance of failure as a teacher, of imperfection as part of the process, and of the reality that no one else’s opinion can define us unless we let it.
How to Develop It:
- Reframe failure as a stepping stone, not a reflection of your worth.
- Laugh at yourself. Humor is a powerful antidote to embarrassment.
- Take risks, make mistakes, and get comfortable with discomfort.
Unoffendable: The Strength of Inner Security
Offense is a choice. When someone’s words or actions trigger anger or resentment, it’s usually because they’ve hit a nerve—something we are insecure about or overly attached to. The truly powerful person does not take offense because they do not give others control over their emotions.
To be unoffendable is to be secure in who you are. It is to recognize that people’s opinions, criticisms, and judgments are about them, not about you. A black belt in emotional intelligence knows that responding with anger or defensiveness only gives power away. Instead, we can choose curiosity over confrontation, understanding over outrage.
How to Develop It:
- Detach from the need for approval or validation.
- When criticized, ask: Is this true? If yes, I’ll learn. If no, it’s not mine to carry.
- Remember that offense is an emotional trap; don’t take the bait.
Unirritable: The Mastery of Emotional Control
Irritation is a reaction to unmet expectations—traffic moving too slow, someone speaking out of turn, things not going our way. It is a sign that we are letting external circumstances dictate our inner state.
To be unirritable is to be in control of your mind. It is the ability to stay centered regardless of what’s happening around you. This is the mark of a true warrior—not just in the dojo, but in life. Whether it’s dealing with a difficult person, facing an injury, or handling the everyday frustrations of work and family, the ability to remain calm and composed is a superpower.
How to Develop It:
- Recognize irritation as an internal issue, not an external one.
- Use deep breathing or mindfulness when frustration arises.
- Ask: Will this matter in an hour? A day? A year? Most of the time, the answer is no.
The Endgame: Living with Unshakable Peace
Being unembarrassable, unoffendable, and unirritable is not about arrogance or indifference. It’s about freedom—freedom from fear, from ego, and from the constant tug-of-war of emotions that life throws at us. It’s about staying grounded in your purpose and principles, regardless of the noise around you.
As I continue my journey—whether in martial arts, in my personal life, or in my recovery from two hip replacements—I strive for this kind of mastery. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being aware and in control, choosing my responses with wisdom instead of reacting with impulse.
So, the challenge is this: Can you practice being unembarrassable today? Can you walk through your day unoffendable? Can you meet frustration with calmness instead of irritation?
The answer will determine not just how you feel—but how strong you truly live.
Living Strong. Always.
