Here are my thoughts on how to handle the “haters” in life…
First of all, haters are a fact of life. Not everyone is going to like you or what you say or do.
This issue can be really tough to handle, especially for the 12 to 22 year olds out there, as you are building your confidence and self-esteem. But, even if you’re 45 or 62 years old, there are so many people not doing what they love because they’re worried about what other people are thinking, saying, or will say (especially close family and friends).
Personally, I’m so grateful that I don’t put much weight in what anyone thinks about me while at the same time I do care about what they have to say.
It’s incredibly important to me what my students and peers think of me—it helps me gain self-awareness. However, it’s amazing how much I’ll push back if any of them try to impose their will on me. That’s an important distinction. I’m very open, empathetic, and quite self-aware of what people think of me and do put some weight to it….SOME weight…. I may even react to it and adjust to it. Most importantly, I want to understand it (both the pros and cons).
BUT, there’s a difference between someone’s opinion of me and someone imposing their opinion on how I should do things and how I should live my life.
In the early years, this outlook allowed me to navigate through the streets of the Bronx without submitting fully to the traps of crime and the gang life. I honestly thought, on some level, that I was better than everybody. I didn’t act that way. If you ask my childhood friends today, I don’t think any of them would say that I walked around like I was better than them. (That would have been hard as a skinny shy quiet little guy.) It was all about how I felt internally. Inside I felt that I was better than them, and that gave me the confidence to do what I thought was important to me.
If you’re 15 now, you’ll be amazed how little you’ll care when you’re 56 or older. You’ll be shocked how little you’ll care about other people’s opinions—this includes your parents, your siblings, even your own children. If I could wish anything besides health on people, it would be the unbelievable happiness that comes along with self-belief and recognizing how your life will play out.
I make my living by being confident in myself and my decisions (both in life and business, even when it is unpopular). Being confident really pays off.
I have an appreciation for people who take the time in their day to put me down. It pumps me up. It confirms that i am making enough difference in the world that people are taking notice. It makes me want to work harder. Push harder. Run harder. Fight harder. Train harder. Get better. Get More disciplined.
Nothing is more exciting to me than having to prove all of you wrong. I love the people that think I’m ‘crazy’ for doing what I’m doing or that I am “stupid” for getting up so early in the morning or that I’m not “that great” or that “I think too highly of myself” or that “I’m not successful” or that “I’m just lucky”… the list goes on.
I see negative comments all the time. No matter how many times I answer your questions and emails, there are always people who come back at me with so much venom after I mis-speak or say something or I share a piece of content that is less than perfect or I spelled a word wrong on a meme or they don’t think my video or podcast is up to their standard…
As they say: You are only as good as your last at bat. I just choose to pick the bat up again and keep swinging.
A negative response might hurt at first, but I recognize that I’m never going to get 100% positive comments on anything I post and put out there.
You can’t please everyone.
If anything, I encourage my haters to judge and underestimate me because that’s the greatest fuel I have. It’s how I’m wired and it makes me want to push back even more. I know most people may not be wired like that, I only hope that through my energy, I can inspire and encourage some of you to at least start thinking this way.
Feedback works both ways. For me, reading your comments inspires me. It makes me incredibly happy when I see comments about your success because of the the content that I put out. I love it when I see you can care a little bit less about what your haters have to say. Confidence is infectious.
Bottom line (and here’s where it gets tough to hear): there’s always someone who won’t like you.
But, at the end of the day, it’s not going to matter.
If you learn something from this rant, know that you have to believe in yourself first. And you do that by ignoring the opinions that your parents, teachers, friends, coworkers, etc. have. BUT, you have to respect those opinions at the same time because it allows you to gain self-awareness and perspective. Just don’t let anyone impose their way on you. This mental discipline will allow you to become the best possible “YOU” you can be.
Until next time, have a great day.
