Hi everyone, this is your Mount Laurel martial arts guy Peter Liciaga with a midday brief.
I hope you’re having a great day so far and that you are getting done whatever you set out to get done today.
I thought I’d take a couple of minutes to share with you my answer to one of the questions that parents have been asking me recently: “How do I toughen up my kid?”
I will share four suggestions and hope that you will share some suggestions of your own.
I thoroughly enjoy sharing my thoughts. I mean after all I’ve been a martial arts teacher for almost twenty years and I’ve succeeded and failed at being a parent enough times to have some thoughts on certain things when it comes to empowering young people. And toughening up kids is definitely one of them.
Of course, I’m not going to pretend that I know everything…I just know what I’ve done and what worked and what didn’t work.
But before we get started,
If you live in the Mount Laurel area, most likely you’ve heard about the great work that we are doing at Dinoto Karate Center. If you have children, it would mean the world to me if you enrolled your child in martial arts program to learn not only how to defend themselves against bullies and other very mean kids, but to teach them discipline, focus and self-control. I have a special beginner program and I would be honored if you would enroll them in it. It is very easy to do. All you have to do is visit me at MountLaurelMartialArts.com to get the details.
Now, let’s get to this idea of toughening up our kids…
As parents, we may feel like our child’s hero, doing everything we can to protect our child from life’s ups and downs. Truth is, we won’t always be around and there’ll come a time when our little ones will just have to go at it alone. Building his ability to bounce back from setbacks will ensure that he’ll be able to ride out the roughest of times.
In the worst case scenario, without strength and resilience, our young ones might turn to substance abuse like drugs or alcohol to deal with the challenges of “failing.”
If we do not help the child build up resilience in childhood, they may perceive themselves as incapable of working through things and would even be dependent on others to “save” them all the time.
Our child’s fear of failing may prevent him from building his resilience as this quality is enhanced only when a person continues to prevail every time after he encounters failure. This fear of failure leads a child to underperform in a task. This will, in turn, impact the way he approaches future challenges.
Here are four strategies to boost your child’s courage and resilience:
NUMBER ONE: Don’t fix our child’s problems for them
As we don’t like seeing our children suffer, you may feel compelled as a parent to step in and help your little one solve his problems. But when you do that, you’re depriving him the chance to learn critical coping strategies and vital problem-solving skills.
Remember, resilience comes from the confidence of knowing he or she can make things right. If they think only mom and dad can fix it, how will they have the confidence to stand on their own?
You need to encourage your child to be independent and try different solutions before asking for help. If he is uncertain about the next course of action, remind him that you are always open to discussing his options BUT he has to be the one to make the decision. You can remind them that you are always around if they need someone to talk to. But they must learn to make their own decisions.
While you may feel guilty leaving your child to find his own solutions, but you are not necessarily helping your child in the long run by fixing things. Most of us grow through trial and error. If we don’t allow our children that same process, how can we expect them to develop and grow and to learn from experience?
NUMBER TWO: Get them to do simple tasks
Let them help you with household chores such as doing the dishes, cooking or folding the laundry. Besides imparting useful life skills, you’ll show that you trust their sense of judgment or that you know they can do a good job. Remember to offer specific praises like “I really appreciate it when you fold the clothes.” These words can influence and change the way they think about themselves. Hearing and absorbing a positive message can boost their confidence and strengthen their self-esteem.
NUMBER THREE: Fix his inner voice
What you say as a parent has a huge impact on the way your child thinks about himself. Words may only be one part, [but] many of the children who have a fear of failing are afraid of ‘looking’ stupid in front of others. How prior failings are handled can also influence the way he approaches the next challenge and the others that follow.
If a situation doesn’t go well, use humour to relieve pressure. When your child has calmed down, discuss with him how to make it better the next time or what was learned from this experience. Just discussing the solution helps them feel empowered and that they have better control of the situation. It also gives your child the vocabulary he needs to talk about his problems. Make it a point to let your child drive the conversation ― let him offer solutions before jumping in to give positive feedback or your suggestions.
NUMBER FOUR: Help him see that making a mistake isn’t the end of the world
Sometimes all your child needs to realize is that no matter how difficult things may look now, it will get better.You could use a scale of one to three or one to ten. Sometimes, scaling can help your child to understand that in the “big picture”, the current problem may not be that bad.
But resist telling your child that what they are feeling is no big deal either as they will find it harder to talk to you about future failures or upsets. So, avoid rushing to brush aside their feelings ― validate their emotions by being empathetic. Use phrases like “I understand how you feel” or “It is okay to feel that way.”
These are just a couple of my suggestions to build resilience and toughen up your child.
What would you add?
Thank you for taking the time in you day to listen to my personal safety brief. I know that your time is precious and I really do appreciate you sharing it with me.
Don’t forget to visit my website at MountLaurelMartialArts.com to find out how to enroll your child in my martial arts school. It would be an honor and truly make my day if you enrolled your child. They will learn so much and have fun learning…
until next time… be black belt strong and have a great day.
