Yesterday, a 20-year-old man walked into an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut with a firearm and started shooting. As a result, school children everywhere are likely scared and confused; parents may be equally upset. When a devastating and violent incident like this happens, the onslaught of news media coverage of the event can heighten everyone’s fears, especially our children.
During crisis like this, it is important for us parents to understand how we can help calm our children’s fears.
Marianne Wamboldt, MD, a physician at Children’s Colorado, offers this advice: “Most parents have all the skills necessary to help their children deal with these events. Children are very aware of their parent’s worries, especially during crises. Parents should admit their concerns to their children, but stress that they are coping with the concerns. Having an action plan as to how they, as a family, are going to help prevent further traumas is helpful for all.”
“Trauma-focused behavioral therapists have shown that kids are really afraid of their fear returning,” said Dr. Jeffrey Dolgan, Senior Psychologist in Behavioral Health at Children’s Hospital Colorado. “They aren’t afraid of rifles, strangers, or even police cars patrolling around the school. They’re afraid of feeling that scared again.”
Here are some suggestions on how we parents can talk to our children about school shootings.
NUMBER ONE: Embrace our children and tell them that we love them.
Increase our parental availability
As parents, we should be accessible to our children physically and emotionally. Our children are likely to be scared and anxious in the aftermath of a crisis, and they may identify with the victims. Being nurturing and supportive ensures our children that we have provided them a safe space to vent their emotions.
Minimize media availability
Our children don’t understand the process behind a story they see on the news. Every time they see coverage of the crisis, they perceive it as happening again. We need to be sensitive to this and limit the amount of crisis-related media our children can access.
We must display stability
Our children will look to us, their parents, for signs and cues on how to react to a crisis. If we are anxious, particularly about our child returning to school after a shooting, our children are likely to be nervous as well. We need to project stability and calmness in relation to the event.
Be open to our children fears
After a crisis, children are most likely to fear the possibility of fear returning. They are less afraid of the event happening again than they are of re-experiencing the anxiety of that day. Children need to share their story and their feelings, we must give them plenty of time and space to do so.
Be prepared for questions
Many of the questions our children ask will be difficult, if not impossible to answer. We must explain that a school shooting is a random event and discuss steps the their school takes to ensure students’ safety. Remind your child that the teachers are there to protect them.
My heart breaks for all the families that are effected by this horrible event. Let us do all that we can to protect our children and help them know that we will everything within our power to ensure their safety EVERYWHERE they go!
– Master Peter Liciaga
Education and Martial Arts Activist
